So... this is how my Christmas is going down:
My step-dad is dying. His days are very numbered and it's heartbreaking.
My (only remaining) grandpa is so deep in his dementia, he hardly knows the floor from the ceiling and it's accelerating very quickly.
My sister's house burned down a week before Christmas. They lost everything. It was arson. Teenagers.
This is my first Christmas morning without my boys. Fist one in 11 years.
Captain is sick. On the couch all day sick.
I've spent the last 3 days of my vacation cleaning, straightening and preparing for today.
My perfect, new van was backed into. Completely on accident. I'm not mad about it, shit happens.
Merry Fucking Christmas.
As hard as I try to make things normal and to find some holiday cheer... I'm just not finding any. I'm planning Christmas dinner, got out all the presents, went to the local Festival of Lights. All these things I enjoy and are keeping me a little sane.
But I'm just not into it. And I feel like I am being blamed for not being happier. How dare I be moody on Christmas day?
Family will be over in the next few hours as well as all 4 of the Little Darlings.
As my daddy taught me, if you can't make it, fake it.
3 comments:
How dare you be mad on Christmas Day! He he... I hope your days have been getting better. Lots of bad things are/have been happening but maybe just maybe they will all happen at once and you can get it all over with! Ugh.. my attempt at being positive. Sending cheer your way... sounds like holiday cheer is not in order so lets call it 2012 cheer!!
You know, there's a punk christmas song called 'Merry Frickin Christmas' and I really think it would brighten up your mood. Well, it will at least make you smile a bit and wonder what the hell kind of music I listen to. I'll have to find it and send it your way...
Thanks. Sorry I did not reply sooner. I kinda just wanted to put a lot of this behind me. It was a shitty holiday - to no one's fault. I had a meltdown and got some good crying and fighting out and that was the beginning of my walk back uphill.
thanks for being bad-ass friends!
XOXO
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